2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm both gender and math confused
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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