Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
