and she was petting her beer can
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
