How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
