In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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