I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
