I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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