uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
