She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
