That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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