My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
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If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
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The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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