I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
