haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
