She said her name was "party"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
