Well douche your snatch and let's go!
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
