Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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