I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
