You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
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And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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