So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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