I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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