i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
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I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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