I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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