I haven't been this sober since birth.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
