his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
