Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
