this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
