She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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