I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
