Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
you made out with another girl for some wings
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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