my sisters under your porch take her home
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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