I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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