I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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