um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
