oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
