My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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