so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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