i love accidental penises.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
