There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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