After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Damn victory sex feels great
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