You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
