My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize