So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
