My room smells like vodka and shame
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
