so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Terrible idea I love it
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
