we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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