My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
