Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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