I love black thongs
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
