when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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