u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
