Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
