she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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