I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
