Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
