quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
