Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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