There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
