i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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