im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
