the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
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I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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