he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She bit a glass in half.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
