So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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