I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
