it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You ate ashes out of my bong
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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