mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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