I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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