What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm passing your future prison.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
