i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
