I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
