Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
