im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
