the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
