There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
