Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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