question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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